Love via text

It's fair to say that a lot of people go about finding someone to fall in love with via the internet. Whether it be dating websites or Facebook many people use these methods to meet new people. Technology in general plays a big part in relationships. This, to a certain extent, is true for my relationship.

Without the influence of Facebook my relationship would never have begun. Although we were at the same school for many years and were already friends on Facebook, we never really knew each other or even really acknowledged each other. It was in an exam that he saw me and looked me up afterwards. That exam being the last time he would be in the school before leaving for university meant that he would never have the chance to come up to me in person. This is where the importance of Facebook comes in. He messaged me and from there we began texting.

So now we have yet another technological device aiding the foundations of our relationship, providing constant contact so that we got to know each other quicker than if say going on a few dates. But the texting did lead us to go on our first date. After that we knew we wanted to be together and had the entire summer to get to know each other better and become a real couple.

But when September came, he had to go to university. And I truly believe that without the help of texting, skype, Facebook and phone calls, we wouldn't have been able to survive long distance. But we did! We've been together almost three years now and we couldn't be happier. And of course, texting keeps us very close. We can't go more than a few hours without some form of contact.

These are some the adorable messages from him. And yes I call him angel, get over it! We think its cute!

Within the first few weeks of him going away to uni

This makes my heart squeeze!

Bullies Exposed

Just as you think your life is turned around and every things on track, bullies resurface and ruin all the foundations I've built to beat my anxiety. And they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

Today I had an interview at the University of West Scotland and was extremely nervous.  But I got through it and it went really well. So afterwards I was on cloud nine, so happy! But then I come home to social network bullies. There's just no need for it. I was in a good place in my life, controlling my anxiety from the last time I got bullied. I thought I was 'safe' and Facebook  being friends with people that I thought had moved on from childish and petty arguments from the past. But I was clearly wrong. When I arrived home today and logged on to Facebook this was waiting for me.....

It may not seem much to you, but to me its emotionally painful. My type of anxiety means that I have strong need to be liked, so clearly having bullies is a rock solid fact that they don't like me. And then you have to factor in that they're judging my relationship (falsely but that not the point). I'm incredible happy with my boyfriend of nearly three years, and I know that comment was made because he's jealous. He's got all his facts wrong so is talking shit; I'm not taking sixth form for a second time, I don't shit stir, and most definitely did not make any comments towards their relationship. And even more to the point, I didn't do a single thing nor did I say anything offensive to 'Baz' or his girlfriend(my ex-best friend).  I have reported this post to Facebook and blocked all people that got involved in taunting in the comment's.

By this point you're probably wondering how this all started. Well I'm not going into the whole two year feud between me and my ex-best friend, but this particular incident happened like this...

This Saturday just gone I babysat for to gorgeous little girls, Blossom (2) and Jaz(6). Little Blossom had my phone and unbeknown to me accidentally rang 'Baz'. This then prompted him to ring me, I ignored it twice as I had no interest in talking to him as I don't like him. But he rang another two times so I answered  to which he just said 'hello' repeatedly, I saw this as a prank call and told him to leave me alone. He claims this to not be the case but I wasn't sure, he then proceeded to text me; 'fuck off weirdo', because I refused to reply to his messages. This was the first piece of abuse I received.
After this I then (as most people my age would do) vented my confusion of twitter, of which none of the people involved follow me, however somehow they saw it? Doesn't make sense right?? My tweet read....

This was all I said, nothing else, nothing to provoke anyone. But then I got a message off a friend telling me to look at their twitter profiles (which I don't follow), because they were apparently bitching about me. This is what I found... (I'm not hiding names because it's available for the public to view anyway)

This being the first time anyone had mentioned I rang him first, which then made me realise Blossom had done it.
To which her best friend replied...

And then 4 others retweeted this.
More comments appeared, without any response from me whatsoever.

All pretty uncalled for comments considering I haven't done a single thing and was still utterly confused about the whole thing at this point. So this then prompted me to eventually say something, I needed to know what the hell was going on and calmly and kindly say that their comments were unreasonable. So I had to message my ex-bestfriend.....

I personally think everything I said is fair and not aggressive or 'shit stirring' or 'making their relationship difficult'. I just wanted to explain so that they realised it was a huge misunderstanding. But none of them could be adult about the situation and carried on today when i thought that message would resolve it. I didn't expect nor want a reply from Emily but she did.....

I thought this was a fairly reasonable response and I thought it was the end of the whole ridiculous situation. Although she has clearly shown no remorse to her harsh comments. The 'started having a go at him' bit is utter rubbish as I've shown you what I said, which was not said with offence nor was directed at him. And then she has the nerve to say 'maybe everyone should learn not to post things on twitter', but yet she continued to post the things I previously showed you, bit hypocritical right? So after she sent this I though, 'right its over now all sorted'. But that's not true, as I came home from an extremely exhausting day to a Facebook status viscously aimed at me.

So now they've been blocked out of my life on every social networking site possible. But the emotional damage they have caused me is going to need fixing again. I have start building u my confidence and take down my social barriers  My anxiety has rocketed back up within the space of 48 hours thanks to these insensitive people, and that's the part that's most frustrating. Bullies shouldn't get away with this kind of thing, no matter how small the abuse may be, its still bullying.

This kind of this is not condonable but I can handle it.

Many people cant.

They need your help!

Childline.org - Bullying

Living with anxiety

I suffer from panic attacks and social anxiety. I don’t know why started having panic attacks exactly. And doctors always find it hard to diagnose the reason why but I have my own theories. I remember my first one, I must have been about 9/10 and I was in the bath when it happened, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I couldn’t catch my breath and I was distraught within seconds, so I started screaming and my mum had to get me out of the bath and calm me down. I’m pretty sure that the worst one I ever had, because I didn’t understand so it made it worse.

The way panic attacks work is that after having one you associate the place you’re in with danger so for a long time I was scared of being in the bath. But I got over it and I was fine. Then after getting into year 7 and not fitting in and being bullied, the panic attacks came back and I got social anxiety too. The panic attacks weren’t that bad but the social anxiety was extreme. It still is now and I’m 19 years old. The attacks I get now are a lot fewer and not as physical, but they still terrify me.

My anxiety affects me every day and I hide it as much as possible. Its very complicated and isn’t the same in every situation which means its hard for people to understand so people often get frustrated with me when I say I can do something in one situation but then I can in another. I come across as simply shy to most people, but with those close to me I’m as good as cured for the most part. And with people I don’t know I try and over compensate by speaking when I normally wouldn’t, but this backfires usually because afterwards I’m worry about what I said, what the person is thinking about me, do they like me, what if they’re judging, what if I said something wrong, literally a million things would be running through my head. And things like this happen every day.

I’m actually terrified of people I don’t know or people that intimidate me. I can’t talk to new people and I panic about new situations.  Even ordering food in restaurants or making phone calls. I feel like they’re judging me and I start to panic. Everything seems to panic and worry me, so I like to be organised so that something doesn’t go wrong and cause a panic attack. 

As much as I enjoy nights out, probably about 5 times out of 10 I have a panic attack, usually mild ones. I always have to lie and say I’m just hot so that I can get outside. I think what sets it of is being with new people, or in big groups and definitely when I see people I don’t like that were mean to me at school. I lose control. I get a sudden feeling of dread, the sudden urge to push my way through to the nearest exit, the whole room shrinking down around me and everybody staring at me and smothering me. So I usually to walk away and stand by myself to try and calm down. People think I’m being rude or unsociable but I can’t help it. I have to get away and I want to be alone, and the more people stay with me or follow me the worse it gets. I can usually handle it pretty well.

Over the past year I have improved massively. I’m completely happy with my life. I’ve gained confidence and I’m finding it slightly less terrifying meeting new people, but I still worry that they will judge me. I can now order food in front of my friends but I’m working on having confidence to that with my parents. It’s strange that I can’t say or do anything in front of them. I’m learning to say yes to new experiences and not be afraid of what might happen. But still every day is a struggle, and I keep on hiding it. Only my boyfriend and three close friends know about it, and my parents have a vague idea but they don’t understand it very well. 

This is me recently before a night out. Which turned out to be a panic attack free night!!

I don't mind if you have any questions. I will try my best to answer any if you do!

What is love?

I love you JB

This is an extract from my own personal journal. Its what I find love to really be when you truly have found that one person that you're sure is your soul mate. 

To love is to be vulnerable. There's always a chance that your heart could be broken. But it's a chance worth taking to find your soul mate. To have someone that can make you unconditionally happy. They give an overwhelming sense of security, you know that no matter what life throws at you, you've got that one special person who will always be there for you when times are tough; they make you feel safe when no one else can. 

   

Finding true love is the most important, most unbelievably magical thing that can ever happen to you in your entire lifetime. There really are no words to describe what its like to just hold the one you love. Its like you're the only two people in the entire universe, you don't care about anything else. When you're in the moment, and you just the two of you, that's the most special feeling you can ever experience. Just being alone with them, knowing that their your and you're theirs. Forever.    

Everyone has different ideas of what love is or what it should be. I don't think you you ask any one person and ever get the same exact answer. Those that have never loved or have never been loved have no idea of how it feels, you cant even comprehend of amazing you feel. It changes you forever. Love is about being caring, committed and intimate with that one special person. They can make you act like a completely      different person when you're alone but with it still being the you, the real you that only they get to see.

You find him when you realise that when he leaves your heart aches and you're sad the instant that he leaves your side. You get excited before every time you next see him. You find yourself smiling at him for no reason other than the fact you're so in your element just because you're with him. Love is having someone you're so proud to be with. You want to show them off because they are utterly perfect in your eyes.

Love In Winter

This is just a little poem I found. Its very cute and very fitting for all of you lovers in this festive season. Christmas time can bring out so much love and happiness. And this poem can brighten your darkest days.

Snowflakes dancing. 

Our eyes, romancing. 

White bliss. 

A frosty, precious kiss. 

Skating together on thin ice. 

Hands clasped tight. 

Won't let you go. 

True love will grow. 

We whirl. 

Into our bright future. 

Smiling all of the way. 

No worries, just skate. 

You lift me up in pure delight. 

Set me down in lover's moonlight. 

We shine. 

Hearts beating softly, in time. 

I am yours and you are mine. 

Forever and especially, tonight.

5 signs that you're in love

After dating someone for a while or spending a lot of time with someone you have a thing for, you might start to wonder how you actually feel about them. Is it love or just a crush? How do you really know? Well here's a little fact for you.... Based on psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love. But if that doesn't convince you then I hope this helps! I've included little bits about my own experience as well as the general things that apply to everyone.

1. DAYDREAMING: Now this is a hugely obvious one. This happens when you have a simple crush on someone, but its intensified when you're in love. I did this from day one of meeting my boyfriend and I still do it to this day, showing just how ridiculously soppy I am! You will find your mind wandering even during important tasks and find yourself daydreaming about your new boyfriend/girlfriend and your potential future life together. Many individuals falling in love are amazed by the ease with which they communicate with their new partner. The ability to communicate easily with a potential partner likely means that you trust the person and are, at least in partly, in love with them.

2. CONSTANT TOGETHERNESS: Individuals falling in love often want to be with the object of their affection at all times. People entering a new and heavy romance often engage in almost constant communication, including rapid texting and a desire to pick up the phone and make contact with your new guy/girl may mean that you are already falling head over heels. For me, rapid texting before my boyfriend and I became a couple probably helped speed up the process, we were texting all day everyday.

3. EMOTIONS: If you find yourself a little more cheery as of late, you may be entering the world of love. Having someone that cares about you so much has a strong abilty to make even the most depressing situation seem so much better. Most people reserve emotional connections for family members or individuals of major importance in their lives. If you feel an unexplainable strong emotional connection to your new partner, you are likely falling in love. Concern for the ones we love is only natural. If you find yourself concerned about your partner's physical and emotional well-being even when there is no reason to think that he is not fine, you are likely in love with the new man/woman in your life. This is one I do especially. I cant help but worry about my boyfriend all the time. 

4. BRAGGING: New couples commonly brag about their partner to anyone who will hang around long enough to listen. If you can't help but make boastful statements about your newest partner, love is likely on the horizon. I sort of did this at the beginning of my relationship, but I was very subtle about it. I was proud to show off my boyfriend, mostly because are relationship was out of the blue and it shocked a lot of our close friends. 

5. PLEASING/COMPROMISE: If you are willing to rub your new man's  feet or give him a three-hour back massage, you are likely motivated by the budding love that you feel. And if you find yourself also willing to trade in your scrapbooking materials for a set of golf clubs or season tickets to Man Utd, you are likely more than just a little into your current partner. Compromising is another thing you may change. It is necessary in any relationship, but many people still resist giving in to these give-and-take arrangements. If you feel like you actually want to make compromises, you may just be falling in love. To make a relationship work, at least small amounts of change are commonly necessary. For example, the amount of times I have endured football matches is endless, but it works both ways and my boyfriend has put up with my many addictions of tv programmes!

My boyfriend expressing his feelings to me

So basically I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he went a little overboard with it. But it was down right adorable and made me cry, and is probably the most amazing thing someone has ever said to me. So here it is.... 

Well where do I start? Jasmine Bianca Broadhead. My girl my first and last true love, the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep, and to be honest the majority of the hours I'm awake your on my mind in some way or another as well! The amount I care about you is insane, ( i.e. to say I'd kill for you is a possibility) And yes perhaps its too much sometimes and I get protective but I don't care! That's the 0.1% of me you will have to live with! But yeah I will try to never let anyone hurt you, and put it this way if I could take any pain away from you I would, I'd take a bullet for you, I'd take 10 bullets for you and yeah I'd die for you. I love you too much for words, and our future is going to be downright amazing. We'll grow old together, we'll have kids (preferably one boy! I couldn't cope with having just girls in my family id go mental! hahaa) and our wedding will be just speechlessly amazing! Preferably abroad as well! And yeah we'll die together. I just will always love you. And finally you are perfection. My beautiful, amazing, stunning, sexy, little minx who I wouldn't change for the world.