Youtubers Galore

Okay. So. If you're not into Youtube, let me tell you now, you are missing out! If you're not adding 'anya' to the end of words or hazing the crap out of new viewsers and Grace facing in photos, then get your sorry but to Youtube to become educated. There are SO MANY great Youtubers to watch, most of which are from America but Britain in taking Youtube by storm this year and dominating. So lets get down to what you reeeally want to know. Who the hell are they?! Well here's just a few of my favourites!

JacksGap - twins Jack and Finn Harries (travel, comedy, everyday life)

DailyGrace- Grace Helbig (comedy) 

SprinkleOfGlitter- Louise Pentland (Beauty, fashion & everyday life)

MarcusButlertv- Marcus Butler (comedy, everyday life)

FluerDeForce (Beauty guru, fashion & everyday life)

Zoella- Zoe Sugg (Beauty guru, fashion & everyday life)

PointlessBlogtv- Alfie Deyes (comedy, everyday life)

Joey Graceffa (Daily vlogs)

MissGlamorazzi- Ingrid Nilson (Beauty guru, fashion & everyday life)

ItsKingsleyBitch- Kingsley (comedy/entertainment)

Jim Chapman- (entertainment, everyday life)

ThatcherJoe- Joe Sugg (entertainment, vlogs)

KalelKitten- Kalel Cullen (Beauty guru, fashion,art,gamer & everyday life)

Smosh- Anthony Padilla (gamer, entertainment)

dicasp- Caspar Lee (comedy)

Sam Pepper (comedy, pranks, travel, entertainments & vlogs)

Kaelyn and Lucy- Long distance couple

Shane Dawson (comedy)

Oli White (comedy, entertainment)

RoseEllenDix- Rose and Rosie (comedy)

FunForLoius / FoodForLoius- Loius Cole (travel, entertainment)

Tanya Burr (Beauty guru, fashion & everyday life)

Tyler Oakley (comedy)

Sawyer Hartman (art, film, photographer,entertainment & everyday)

Carrie Fletcher (comedy & everyday)

Bullies Exposed

Just as you think your life is turned around and every things on track, bullies resurface and ruin all the foundations I've built to beat my anxiety. And they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

Today I had an interview at the University of West Scotland and was extremely nervous.  But I got through it and it went really well. So afterwards I was on cloud nine, so happy! But then I come home to social network bullies. There's just no need for it. I was in a good place in my life, controlling my anxiety from the last time I got bullied. I thought I was 'safe' and Facebook  being friends with people that I thought had moved on from childish and petty arguments from the past. But I was clearly wrong. When I arrived home today and logged on to Facebook this was waiting for me.....

It may not seem much to you, but to me its emotionally painful. My type of anxiety means that I have strong need to be liked, so clearly having bullies is a rock solid fact that they don't like me. And then you have to factor in that they're judging my relationship (falsely but that not the point). I'm incredible happy with my boyfriend of nearly three years, and I know that comment was made because he's jealous. He's got all his facts wrong so is talking shit; I'm not taking sixth form for a second time, I don't shit stir, and most definitely did not make any comments towards their relationship. And even more to the point, I didn't do a single thing nor did I say anything offensive to 'Baz' or his girlfriend(my ex-best friend).  I have reported this post to Facebook and blocked all people that got involved in taunting in the comment's.

By this point you're probably wondering how this all started. Well I'm not going into the whole two year feud between me and my ex-best friend, but this particular incident happened like this...

This Saturday just gone I babysat for to gorgeous little girls, Blossom (2) and Jaz(6). Little Blossom had my phone and unbeknown to me accidentally rang 'Baz'. This then prompted him to ring me, I ignored it twice as I had no interest in talking to him as I don't like him. But he rang another two times so I answered  to which he just said 'hello' repeatedly, I saw this as a prank call and told him to leave me alone. He claims this to not be the case but I wasn't sure, he then proceeded to text me; 'fuck off weirdo', because I refused to reply to his messages. This was the first piece of abuse I received.
After this I then (as most people my age would do) vented my confusion of twitter, of which none of the people involved follow me, however somehow they saw it? Doesn't make sense right?? My tweet read....

This was all I said, nothing else, nothing to provoke anyone. But then I got a message off a friend telling me to look at their twitter profiles (which I don't follow), because they were apparently bitching about me. This is what I found... (I'm not hiding names because it's available for the public to view anyway)

This being the first time anyone had mentioned I rang him first, which then made me realise Blossom had done it.
To which her best friend replied...

And then 4 others retweeted this.
More comments appeared, without any response from me whatsoever.

All pretty uncalled for comments considering I haven't done a single thing and was still utterly confused about the whole thing at this point. So this then prompted me to eventually say something, I needed to know what the hell was going on and calmly and kindly say that their comments were unreasonable. So I had to message my ex-bestfriend.....

I personally think everything I said is fair and not aggressive or 'shit stirring' or 'making their relationship difficult'. I just wanted to explain so that they realised it was a huge misunderstanding. But none of them could be adult about the situation and carried on today when i thought that message would resolve it. I didn't expect nor want a reply from Emily but she did.....

I thought this was a fairly reasonable response and I thought it was the end of the whole ridiculous situation. Although she has clearly shown no remorse to her harsh comments. The 'started having a go at him' bit is utter rubbish as I've shown you what I said, which was not said with offence nor was directed at him. And then she has the nerve to say 'maybe everyone should learn not to post things on twitter', but yet she continued to post the things I previously showed you, bit hypocritical right? So after she sent this I though, 'right its over now all sorted'. But that's not true, as I came home from an extremely exhausting day to a Facebook status viscously aimed at me.

So now they've been blocked out of my life on every social networking site possible. But the emotional damage they have caused me is going to need fixing again. I have start building u my confidence and take down my social barriers  My anxiety has rocketed back up within the space of 48 hours thanks to these insensitive people, and that's the part that's most frustrating. Bullies shouldn't get away with this kind of thing, no matter how small the abuse may be, its still bullying.

This kind of this is not condonable but I can handle it.

Many people cant.

They need your help!

Childline.org - Bullying

Living with anxiety

I suffer from panic attacks and social anxiety. I don’t know why started having panic attacks exactly. And doctors always find it hard to diagnose the reason why but I have my own theories. I remember my first one, I must have been about 9/10 and I was in the bath when it happened, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I couldn’t catch my breath and I was distraught within seconds, so I started screaming and my mum had to get me out of the bath and calm me down. I’m pretty sure that the worst one I ever had, because I didn’t understand so it made it worse.

The way panic attacks work is that after having one you associate the place you’re in with danger so for a long time I was scared of being in the bath. But I got over it and I was fine. Then after getting into year 7 and not fitting in and being bullied, the panic attacks came back and I got social anxiety too. The panic attacks weren’t that bad but the social anxiety was extreme. It still is now and I’m 19 years old. The attacks I get now are a lot fewer and not as physical, but they still terrify me.

My anxiety affects me every day and I hide it as much as possible. Its very complicated and isn’t the same in every situation which means its hard for people to understand so people often get frustrated with me when I say I can do something in one situation but then I can in another. I come across as simply shy to most people, but with those close to me I’m as good as cured for the most part. And with people I don’t know I try and over compensate by speaking when I normally wouldn’t, but this backfires usually because afterwards I’m worry about what I said, what the person is thinking about me, do they like me, what if they’re judging, what if I said something wrong, literally a million things would be running through my head. And things like this happen every day.

I’m actually terrified of people I don’t know or people that intimidate me. I can’t talk to new people and I panic about new situations.  Even ordering food in restaurants or making phone calls. I feel like they’re judging me and I start to panic. Everything seems to panic and worry me, so I like to be organised so that something doesn’t go wrong and cause a panic attack. 

As much as I enjoy nights out, probably about 5 times out of 10 I have a panic attack, usually mild ones. I always have to lie and say I’m just hot so that I can get outside. I think what sets it of is being with new people, or in big groups and definitely when I see people I don’t like that were mean to me at school. I lose control. I get a sudden feeling of dread, the sudden urge to push my way through to the nearest exit, the whole room shrinking down around me and everybody staring at me and smothering me. So I usually to walk away and stand by myself to try and calm down. People think I’m being rude or unsociable but I can’t help it. I have to get away and I want to be alone, and the more people stay with me or follow me the worse it gets. I can usually handle it pretty well.

Over the past year I have improved massively. I’m completely happy with my life. I’ve gained confidence and I’m finding it slightly less terrifying meeting new people, but I still worry that they will judge me. I can now order food in front of my friends but I’m working on having confidence to that with my parents. It’s strange that I can’t say or do anything in front of them. I’m learning to say yes to new experiences and not be afraid of what might happen. But still every day is a struggle, and I keep on hiding it. Only my boyfriend and three close friends know about it, and my parents have a vague idea but they don’t understand it very well. 

This is me recently before a night out. Which turned out to be a panic attack free night!!

I don't mind if you have any questions. I will try my best to answer any if you do!

5 signs that you're in love

After dating someone for a while or spending a lot of time with someone you have a thing for, you might start to wonder how you actually feel about them. Is it love or just a crush? How do you really know? Well here's a little fact for you.... Based on psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love. But if that doesn't convince you then I hope this helps! I've included little bits about my own experience as well as the general things that apply to everyone.

1. DAYDREAMING: Now this is a hugely obvious one. This happens when you have a simple crush on someone, but its intensified when you're in love. I did this from day one of meeting my boyfriend and I still do it to this day, showing just how ridiculously soppy I am! You will find your mind wandering even during important tasks and find yourself daydreaming about your new boyfriend/girlfriend and your potential future life together. Many individuals falling in love are amazed by the ease with which they communicate with their new partner. The ability to communicate easily with a potential partner likely means that you trust the person and are, at least in partly, in love with them.

2. CONSTANT TOGETHERNESS: Individuals falling in love often want to be with the object of their affection at all times. People entering a new and heavy romance often engage in almost constant communication, including rapid texting and a desire to pick up the phone and make contact with your new guy/girl may mean that you are already falling head over heels. For me, rapid texting before my boyfriend and I became a couple probably helped speed up the process, we were texting all day everyday.

3. EMOTIONS: If you find yourself a little more cheery as of late, you may be entering the world of love. Having someone that cares about you so much has a strong abilty to make even the most depressing situation seem so much better. Most people reserve emotional connections for family members or individuals of major importance in their lives. If you feel an unexplainable strong emotional connection to your new partner, you are likely falling in love. Concern for the ones we love is only natural. If you find yourself concerned about your partner's physical and emotional well-being even when there is no reason to think that he is not fine, you are likely in love with the new man/woman in your life. This is one I do especially. I cant help but worry about my boyfriend all the time. 

4. BRAGGING: New couples commonly brag about their partner to anyone who will hang around long enough to listen. If you can't help but make boastful statements about your newest partner, love is likely on the horizon. I sort of did this at the beginning of my relationship, but I was very subtle about it. I was proud to show off my boyfriend, mostly because are relationship was out of the blue and it shocked a lot of our close friends. 

5. PLEASING/COMPROMISE: If you are willing to rub your new man's  feet or give him a three-hour back massage, you are likely motivated by the budding love that you feel. And if you find yourself also willing to trade in your scrapbooking materials for a set of golf clubs or season tickets to Man Utd, you are likely more than just a little into your current partner. Compromising is another thing you may change. It is necessary in any relationship, but many people still resist giving in to these give-and-take arrangements. If you feel like you actually want to make compromises, you may just be falling in love. To make a relationship work, at least small amounts of change are commonly necessary. For example, the amount of times I have endured football matches is endless, but it works both ways and my boyfriend has put up with my many addictions of tv programmes!